If every time you try to have sex it feels like a sharp sting, deep ache, or burning sensation, it’s not something you just have to endure. Pain during intercourse, known medically as dyspareunia, is more common than many people realize. But just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s normal. Pain is your body’s way of asking for help, not something you should push through or ignore.
The good news? Dyspareunia is treatable. With the right support and care, you can move from fear and frustration to intimacy that feels comfortable, connected, and joyful.
What Is Dyspareunia?
Dyspareunia is the medical term for persistent or recurrent pain during or after sexual intercourse. It can happen right at the vaginal opening (superficial dyspareunia) or deeper inside during penetration (deep dyspareunia).
It’s important to understand that painful sex isn’t “just in your head.” Even if anxiety or past experiences contribute, there’s always a physical component. This pain is real, and it deserves compassionate, thorough care.
Common symptoms include:
- Sharp, burning, or aching pain with penetration
- Discomfort or soreness that lingers after sex
- Fear or anxiety about intimacy because of anticipated pain
- Difficulty inserting tampons or undergoing pelvic exams
- Avoidance of sex, even if you want to feel close to your partner
Why You Deserve Relief
Too many women carry silent burdens around painful sex, telling themselves:
- “Maybe this is just how it is after kids or menopause.”
- “I must be too tense — it’s probably my fault.”
- “I’ll just try to get through it for my partner.”
But pain with sex is never something you should be expected to tolerate. Left untreated, it can take a toll on your self-esteem, emotional well-being, and relationships. You deserve intimacy that feels safe, pleasurable, and affirming.
First Steps: Recognizing and Seeking Help
If you’ve been experiencing pain with sex that lasts more than a few weeks, it’s time to talk to a healthcare professional. Look for someone who will listen without judgment and take your concerns seriously.
Who can help:
- An OB-GYN experienced in sexual pain or menopause care
- A pelvic floor physical therapist (PFPT) who can address muscle-related causes
- A sex therapist or counselor, especially if fear, past trauma, or relationship strain are involved
It’s okay to advocate for yourself. You can ask for more time during exams, bring up your sexual concerns directly, or seek a second opinion if you don’t feel heard.
Proven Treatments for Dyspareunia
Dyspareunia often has multiple causes — and that means treatment is usually a blend of approaches that target both the body and mind.
Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy
Many cases of dyspareunia are linked to tight, overactive pelvic floor muscles. A specialized physical therapist can help you learn to relax and coordinate these muscles, using:
- Gentle internal or external manual techniques
- Breathing and relaxation exercises
- Biofeedback to increase body awareness and control
This isn’t like traditional gym physical therapy — it’s slow, respectful work that can be truly life-changing.
Addressing Vaginal Dryness or Atrophy
If hormonal changes (such as after childbirth or menopause) are at play, you may experience thinning or dryness of vaginal tissues. Treatments include:
- Vaginal moisturizers for regular hydration
- Lubricants during sex to reduce friction and pain
- Vaginal estrogen therapy, which directly rejuvenates tissue (safe for many women even after menopause, under medical guidance)
Managing Underlying Conditions
Pain with penetration can also be linked to:
- Endometriosis or ovarian cysts, causing deep pelvic pain
- Past infections or scar tissue
- Vestibulodynia, a condition where the entrance to the vagina is hypersensitive
Your doctor may recommend additional evaluations to rule these out and tailor treatment.
Counseling and Sex Therapy
Because painful sex can create a cycle of fear and guarding (which tightens muscles even more), working with a therapist can be essential. Therapy can help you:
- Process any emotional trauma or past negative experiences
- Rebuild trust in your body and intimacy
- Develop new, positive experiences of touch and closeness
Mindfulness and Education
Sometimes just learning about your anatomy and how arousal works can change everything. Mindfulness practices — like breathwork or guided body scans — can also calm the nervous system’s pain response, helping you reconnect to pleasure.
Medical Options
In some cases, additional interventions might include:
- Trigger point injections into tight pelvic floor muscles
- Botox injections for severe muscle spasms (less common but effective in select cases)
- Treating infections or inflammation if present
Takeaway
Painful sex isn’t something you have to accept or keep to yourself. Whether it’s muscle tension, hormonal shifts, endometriosis, or emotional scars, there are real, compassionate solutions that can help you move beyond pain.
With the right support — from pelvic floor therapy to counseling, medical treatments, and learning to trust your body again — it’s absolutely possible to rediscover intimacy that feels safe and satisfying.
You deserve to live in a body that’s comfortable, a relationship with yourself that feels kind and confident, and a sex life defined by choice and pleasure, not fear or pain. If painful sex has been part of your story, know that help is out there, and healing is possible.